I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
