The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
