Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
