Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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