Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
