I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
