when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
