Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
