if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
