My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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