you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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