Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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