Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
