I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
