Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
