Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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