I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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