so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
