Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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