I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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