I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I love having hate sex.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
