So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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