I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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