the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
