ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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