wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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