so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
