Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
where does the pee come out of this thing
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
