theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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