He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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