you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
