Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
