Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
