the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
