Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
