I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
