Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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