you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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