my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
smell my finger.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
