Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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