We're like a lot better than the average bears
Someone shit on the floor
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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