i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
