my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
