The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
