I can tuck mytits in my pants
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
