Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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