I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
