Even the bartender felt bad for me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
