didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
