Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
